Episode 12: Elections (and Other Disappointments)

  


What if you could take your disappointments and dissatisfaction and allow them to be the catalyst that leads to change, action and ultimately, growth? And what if you could establish rhythms that will help you actually enjoy it? Join Kris as he persuades Hannah that the discomfort that comes from being disappointed (like in an upcoming election) can actually be a good thing.


Links + resources from this episode:

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This transcript was generated automatically and may not be 100 percent accurate.

Episode transcript:

00:00:00 Hannah 

Welcome to The Rhythms podcast. My name is Hannah. 


00:00:03 Kris 

And my name's Kris. 


00:00:05 Kris 

This is a podcast about exploring the rhythms, patterns and habits that bring joy and add richness to our everyday lives. 


00:00:12 Hannah 

From daily habits to embracing the changing seasons, it's not about mindless routines, but patterns with purpose. It's about making something special out of something ordinary. 


00:00:24 Kris 

If you're someone who wants to move beyond just being more efficient or productive and instead find ways to infuse your days with small, familiar moments that matter, then you've found two new friends with the same goal. 


00:00:37 Hannah 

Every episode listen in as we share a reflection. 


00:00:40 Hannah 

The role of rhythms in our. 


00:00:42 Hannah 

Lives join our conversation as we unpack this idea further and then spend a moment with us considering how that rhythm could shape or add richness to our lives today. 


00:00:56 Kris 

This is episode 12. Elections and other disappointments. 


00:01:03 Kris 

It's the height of election season here in New Zealand. By the time this episode drops will be about a week out from voting day, and the clusters of election signs, adverts and posturing will be at its absolute peak. 


00:01:20 Kris 

Each sign represents a whole set of policies and promises. Everyone's got a different colour, a different style, a different suit, but to me they're all pretty disappointing. 


00:01:35 Kris 

I don't think it would be a stretch to say I'm not alone in that disappointment policy or personality issues of election players aside, I think it's really disappointing to see. 


00:01:47 Kris 

The rise of. 


00:01:49 Kris 

Team Sport politics and the voting against something rather than for something. 


00:01:56 Kris 

I feel like I've lost sight of what the greater good is, what's important and who's the right choice to govern. It got me thinking about disappointment and dissatisfaction. 


00:02:09 Kris 

Elections aren't the only place where we're going to experience disappointment. It's a natural rhythm of life, one that's generally an ebb rather than a flow. Elections have been a timely reminder of a few immutable facts about disappointment. 


00:02:28 Kris 

Number one disappointment can be a valid and expected agent of change. 


00:02:35 Kris 

When society hits a boiling point, it boils over. When we're comfortable, it's an indication that. 


00:02:43 Kris 

We have a lack. 


00:02:43 Kris 

Of interest in the circumstances of our own existence. 


00:02:48 Hannah 

We lose that. 


00:02:49 Kris 

Sense of urgency which moves us to where we want to go. 


00:02:55 Kris 

Where we have seen massive social changes when people have lived in a state of disappointment, of dissatisfaction, maybe they're missing something. Maybe they've been denied something. Maybe they've felt wronged by something. 


00:03:10 Kris 

Whatever it is, they were disappointed with the status quo and felt moved. 


00:03:15 Kris 

To change it. 


00:03:17 Kris 

Whatever the circumstance, disappointment mobilizes people to move from A to B when the discomfort grows to great, which leads me to #2. 


00:03:29 Kris 

Disappointment means we experience discomfort. 


00:03:35 Kris 

If you want to become a runner, you are going to be uncomfortable. 


00:03:40 Kris 

I'm experiencing this first hand as I've dusted off my old running shoes to reignite my running rhythm. The truth is, the couch is far more comfortable. 


00:03:52 Kris 

But I'm not going to reach my fitness goals on the couch to get to where I need to go, I need to make myself uncomfortable. 


00:04:03 Kris 

Building rhythms is like building new muscle. You have to go past the point of tension to build and resolidified that's only achievable through that point in the run where my lungs are on fire and all I can think about is stopping. 


00:04:23 Kris 

It means pushing through that discomfort. 


00:04:27 Kris 

Because when we're disappointed enough and when we get uncomfortable enough. 


00:04:33 Kris 

We grow. 


00:04:36 Kris 

Sometimes it's really helpful to be comfortable to gain a sense of safety and security in the world around us, to know our place and to feel a sense of control over our circumstances. I wonder, though, if that's why disappointment puts us off kilter. 


00:04:56 Kris 

That takes away some of the control we have over those situations. 


00:05:02 Kris 

Outside of my single vote, I don't really have control over the election, nor do I have my ideal pick of a party or politician. Still, my disappointment has led me to question what I do find important. Why am I so disappointed by the election this time? 


00:05:22 Kris 

What policies do I find important? My disappointment is leading to action, moving me to where I want to go. It's giving me stamina, endurance and grit. 


00:05:36 Kris 

For when things don't meet my expectations, or when I don't get what I really want. 


00:05:44 Kris 

Disappointment is helping me to grow. 


00:05:51 Kris 

Through rhythms, we gain back some of that control that will inevitably ebb away as life moves around us. 


00:06:00 Kris 

So what can you learn from disappointment? 


00:06:03 Kris 

And what rhythms can you establish to make the most of your discomfort? 


00:06:17 Kris 

Well, Hannah, right now I am a living example of discomfort. I just went for a run and I am pretty knackered. I'm pretty tired. My lungs were burning, my feet were on fire, my muscles are aching. 


00:06:37 Kris 

I hopefully have kept my form well, but you know doing a run and any sort of physical activity really if you you haven't done activity for a long time. 


00:06:49 Kris 

It's actually quite difficult. 


00:06:51 Kris 

I know. Yeah, it hurts. 


00:06:54 Hannah 

This must be the hardest part as well, right? Like just starting out. 


00:06:58 Kris 

Yeah, dusting it back off. Like I've dropped enough weight. Now that I've felt like it was time to see if it helped me actually move properly because I don't think like dragging an extra 20 kilos around it makes it easier to go. 


00:07:05 

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 


00:07:11 Hannah 

For a run, yes, your joints must be feeling a bit better now. 


00:07:15 Kris 

They are, yeah, a little bit springier and. 


00:07:17 Kris 

Like I did a I I did. 


00:07:19 Kris 

A28 mini. 


00:07:20 Kris 

Run Ohh wow around my. Yeah around my block and I didn't think I'd be able to make the whole loop. So my initial goal was only the first half of the loop and then I was gonna walk the second-half and listen to my audio book. I even like had it. 


00:07:35 Kris 

Lined up. 


00:07:37 Kris 

But I got around the end of the first part and I was. 


00:07:40 Kris 

Like you know what? 


00:07:41 Kris 

I'll just push a little further and see if I can go and I just kept doing that for the next 15 minutes and like it hurt like hit, but. 


00:07:48 Kris 

No, I got here and now I don't have any excuses because I know that I can make it so I can't. 


00:07:53 Kris 

Like off the next time. 


00:07:54 Hannah 

Oh, so good, so good. 


00:07:56 Hannah 

Yeah. Well, Chris, I think that you asked someone who I know can be like so disciplined. That's a very good example of that. You are also someone who likes to take risks and. 


00:08:06 Hannah 

Take on controversial things and. 


00:08:09 Kris 

I what are you? What are you referring? 


00:08:11 Kris 

To Hannah. 


00:08:12 Hannah 

I I did feel a little bit nervous when you proposed the topic for this episode, yeah. 


00:08:18 Hannah 

But I love. I think what what you've brought to the table is a really, really helpful thing which isn't going to upset anyone. 


00:08:27 Hannah 

But it's going to help us have a good conversation. 


00:08:30 Kris 

We will be talking about the P word though, which and we when we were prepping, we were talking about how, how sad it is that the discourse around politics. There it is. 


00:08:41 Kris 

It said it politics has become so tender and so inflamed and almost like Tinder, that. 


00:08:51 Kris 

It's hard to even talk about it openly. It's almost like our money episode a like everyone just gets really on edge and you wonder. Ohh, are they gonna come out and? 


00:09:00 Kris 

Be like a ultra right wing conservative. Or are they gonna be like a total lefty? You know, environmentalist liberal. So I I just wanted to put it out there that we're gonna be using politics as a framing tool. We're not gonna be talking about who to vote for. As I said, in the reflection, we're right at the peak of election season. There are plenty of election posters that have blown over. 


00:09:21 Hannah 

My early vote pack just arrived this evening, actually. 


00:09:24 Kris 

Ohh there you. 


00:09:25 Kris 

Go. Yeah, and here's your actually, here's your reminder. You have one more week to vote. 


00:09:30 Kris 

When this episode comes out, so remember to vote. But we're gonna talk about politics as a framing device, so we're not necessarily gonna talk about who to vote for or who we like or dislike, but we just, like, gotta put it out there that it's OK to talk about stuff like, that's so important. You know, it's so important to talk about the issues that affect your country and be involved in civil discourse. 


00:09:52 Hannah 

I think when you were talking earlier about like people being worried that you're gonna come out as what it whatever I think what we're worried is that the people that we like are going to have a different opinion to us. 


00:10:04 Hannah 

But that but what I am like having to like, remind myself of and like train myself into is it's OK to have conversations with people who think differently. Do you? I do all the time. It's not always obvious. But you know, I'll be thinking completely different to people every day who I'm encountering. 


00:10:04 Kris 

Yeah, that's interesting. 


00:10:14 Kris 

Absolutely, yeah. 


00:10:22 Kris 

It makes us better people too, because you don't grow as a person if you don't absorb ideas that are different to your own. 


00:10:29 Kris 

It's just simple, you know? And so that's a great way to grow yourself in your own thinking is to actually absorb what other people think and and don't bubble yourself. 


00:10:40 Hannah 

I think as well like what that's making me think about as well though is like maybe we avoid it sometimes because we're like a bit worried even that it will reveal like some differences in our thinking. Like I'm wondering, am I worried I'm going to be disappointed in that conversation that I think about something or prioritize something so differently to someone. But what you're talking about there is like. 


00:11:00 Hannah 

Having conversations who with people who think differently to us, actually helps us grow. 


00:11:04 Hannah 

So like actually that fits really well with what you're reflections about as well. 


00:11:09 Kris 

Yeah, because like I will say this, I I have been disappointed. I I feel like I have been forced into a situation where I'm not actually voting for anyone who I am passionately like. Yeah, I'm behind 100% of your policies. 


00:11:25 Kris 

I don't think any political party would ever do that, but it is still frustrating and disappointing when maybe you don't see yourself represented well in lots of. 


00:11:33 Kris 

The parties or. 


00:11:34 Kris 

That politics has become such a team sport that, you know, even talking about it in the wrong part of the stadium or, you know, out to you as a. 


00:11:44 Kris 

Insert political party supporter here so it it has been disappointing in a sense and and also opposition politics. So rather than standing for a policy that you that your party believes in you, you knock down another party rather than offer a solution and and also what we've talked about the the discourse around politics being so inflamed and and tender. 


00:12:04 Kris 

Is quite disappointing to me and it is good to have those little triggers in your life, because then they allow us to examine why we feel that way. 


00:12:14 Kris 

And so I thought I'd pull out that we're like, why do I feel disappointed? Why do I feel like I can't express myself and my civic voting duty? And I think it's around some of what we've touched on already. It makes us really uncomfortable. 


00:12:28 Kris 

When we put in those situations where it's like, gets around to the hairy political topics, it makes us uncomfortable and I think. 


00:12:35 Kris 

Discomfort as a consequence of being disappointed in something or upset or frustrated or unable to affect change turns into discomfort, which can either turn into something destructive or something really constructive. Actually, this can be really. 


00:12:52 Hannah 

Helpful. And if people don't necessarily feel like you do. 


00:12:56 Hannah 

About, you know their options and who they want to vote for. I think that there is sort of this general sense of, like, dissatisfaction and disappointment at the time, like probably across. 


00:13:08 Hannah 

The world because so many parts of the world are experiencing cost of living crisis and people are just like, uncomfortable and dissatisfied with how things are. So then when an election comes up, we think, right. Something's gotta change. So here we go. And we potentially make a choice that we believe is going. 


00:13:29 Hannah 

To move us from this place of disappointment and dissatisfaction so that can be a really good thing, that, like, dissatisfaction, drives us to something new, it can drive us to change. 


00:13:42 Kris 

It's not just politics, but but elections and and politics are the time where all of those dissatisfied people and dissatisfied communities coalesce, and they come together, and that's where it sort of comes to a boil and where we've seen it in New Zealand, there's been so much civic unrest and people are really frustrated. 


00:14:03 Kris 

I think around these circumstances, you know, there's housing is really expensive in New Zealand still. 


00:14:09 Kris 

Even though they've tapered off in terms of prices, but still really out of reach for a lot of people, grocery prices are really high. It's all that stuff, petrol prices. 


00:14:20 Hannah 

Yeah, I was talking to someone who was, like, almost in tears after they'd filled out their car. 


00:14:24 Kris 

Recently. Yeah. And that that's like I know it's it sounds silly. 


00:14:29 Kris 

It's so hard, you know, like a whole chunk of your money is just going into your gas tank. Of course people are dissatisfied, and it coalesces around this time. And which is why I think we're seeing some of that discomfort. But we can turn some of that, not all of it, but some of it into something positive. So that's why my mind wandered to. 


00:14:50 Kris 

Running because I had this great image of, you know, like how a muscle. Do you know how muscle? 


00:14:55 Kris 

Is trained. 


00:14:57 Kris 

Tell me. So what you do is you push the muscle just beyond its point of failure. OK. And what? The muscle actually does is that they they get what's called micro. 


00:15:08 Kris 

Tears. So the muscle actually tears a little bit because it's pushed beyond its capacity, right? And then what happens is when you rest after that, the muscle heals itself slightly stronger, and then you repeat that process and you increase that limit and your muscle gets stronger overtime slowly. But it has to be pushed. 


00:15:20 Hannah 

Granny wow. 


00:15:28 Kris 

Past that point of failure or point of like greatest. 


00:15:32 Kris 

Mention in order to be rebuilt better. 


00:15:35 Kris 

And I thought that's a great metaphor. Like you take it one step at a time. You live in that discomfort, and it makes you slightly stronger. It makes you slightly more resilient, slightly more gritty as you go, and it helps you deal with some of that discomfort. It could be anything. I know. Disappointment and discomfort is such a wide catch all term. 


00:15:56 Kris 

To apply it where you're seeing it in your mind already, that's what helps you grow. That's what helps you change and develop, is that if you're comfortable like to be honest, I'd rather be sitting on my couch. 


00:16:06 Kris 

Yeah, but we've talked about this idea of rhythms. Get you where you need to go and discomfort and dissatisfaction with the current, the status quo means not being comfortable sometimes. Like I can't go for a run on my couch. I have to get up. I have to put my shoes on. I have to go outside. I have to stress my. 


00:16:26 Kris 

Legs and my lungs slightly beyond the point of greatest tension in order to see that result, and I believe that that can only happen in discomfort and. 


00:16:38 Kris 

I think the initiating factor is that you know, I'm disappointed in my current level of fitness. You know I want to. 


00:16:45 Hannah 

Be better. What? Couldn't turn this from just like a new Heather into a rhythm is that you start to put in those other blocks that make it up, which brings some of that enjoyment or delight to it. So I'm wondering if you listen to music. 


00:16:59 Hannah 

I mean, when I go for a run or a walk, I always listen to music that like I really enjoy. But that energizes me. Or I choose a time of day when it's really beautiful or I love the temperature at that time of day. Whatever. I think it's those, those sorts of things. 


00:17:15 Hannah 

That start to shift things from habits to rhythms, and that's when we do the thing that helps us grow and enjoy growing. 


00:17:25 Hannah 

To a degree. 


00:17:25 Kris 

Yeah, I'm going to be honest. It's it's incredibly difficult to see beauty when you're, like, struggling to breathe. Yeah. And you're like, I just want to stop. But like, we talked about beauty in the last episode. And if you find it in different ways. Right. And I. 


00:17:40 Kris 

Think when we're stressed is when we show the best parts of ourselves when we're up against the wall, we've got no other choices or we're really needing to rely on our on that inner grit. You know that sandpaper inside of us that like keeps us going, that's where we see a lot of the best of people. Actually, this reminds me. I've been watching this show. 


00:18:01 Kris 

Called alone. 


00:18:02 Kris 

I don't know if I have. I recommended it to you alone have. 


00:18:05 Hannah 

You seen that? I don't know if you've recommended it to me on this podcast, but yes, I do. Because my dad also watches it. So I know that I've now had two people say we. 


00:18:11 Kris 

Ohh yeah yeah, that's why. 


00:18:13 Kris 

Love this track? Yeah. So if you want to see that in action, watch alone. It's incredible. They take these 10 survivalists. 


00:18:22 Kris 

Different experience, experiences of survival. 


00:18:25 Kris 

Thing in the wilderness and they dropped them into these crazy locations all by themselves, hence the name alone. And they have 10 items and basically the last one to stay out there. The, the one that stays out there, the longest wins the prize money and they drop them off in some ridiculous locations. The one I just finished was. 


00:18:46 Kris 

In the Arctic. 


00:18:48 Hannah 

Ohh my goodness. 


00:18:49 Kris 

With 10 items on their on their back, they also have to film it. 


00:18:53 Kris 

Themselves by the. 


00:18:54 Kris 

Way. So they have all the camera gear. 


00:18:54 Hannah 

Oh wow. 


00:18:56 Kris 

And you see in the 1st 10 days it's not so bad, right? They've they've got their shelter, they've got their food. They've figured out their. 


00:19:03 Kris 

Food sources or? 


00:19:03 Kris 

Their water or whatever, but it's in that like day 25, day 30, day 45, day 50 stretch where you start to see their resilience and like lack of and you start to see what that discomfort. 


00:19:17 Kris 

And do to a person. And I think there's a real beauty in that. It's that kind of. 


00:19:21 Kris 

Of childbirth like beauty, where it's actually, like, physically painful and tough. But there's a transcendent sort of beauty around it, I think. And this is a big goal, but maybe we're missing some of that nowadays. Maybe we're missing some of that grit, some of that stamina. And I think rhythms are a good way of challenging. 


00:19:41 Kris 

Ourselves to go out of our comfort zones. So maybe the next time I'm running and trying to establish, you know, how how is this a rhythm? Firstly I I there is a particular genre of music that I. 


00:19:52 Kris 

To listen to because it's very rhythmic, ironically, and it helps me, like, get my pace. Yeah. So that's one building block again. I'm not like, wow, this is a magical, beautiful Disney moment of running. I'm like, I probably when I pass people, I'm probably just a hulking, slobbering mess. 


00:20:12 Hannah 

But we admire you for it, Chris. 


00:20:15 Kris 

Thank you. Yeah. No, it's good for me. And that's the thing. Yeah. So putting building blocks in so that this is a rhythm that I will look back in in a year's time and be really grateful. And I'll see the beauty of my progress as. 


00:20:26 Kris 

Well, I wanna. 


00:20:27 Hannah 

Like just jump back a little bit to what you're talking about, because I think, yes, that's definitely true that for a group of people when they come under. 


00:20:35 Hannah 

Stress or strain the abyss, self or best characteristics come to the forefront. I am not one of the people. 


00:20:45 Hannah 

I said to you. 


00:20:45 Kris 

Oh yeah, really. 


00:20:46 Hannah 

Before I am my best self on a day off. 


00:20:50 Hannah 

Yeah, like I am totally the best Hannah on a day off and I think that's because on a day off I am at peace and I think that for me, that is why rhythms are so important for me in times of stress and strain, because they help me find, like a sense of peace. And so. 


00:21:11 Hannah 

I think that that is like, that's really helpful for me to know that this is something actually that I'm gonna talk about in the next episode that when we come under times of stress and strain, we do need those rhythms that can help us like breathing. 


00:21:25 Hannah 

That we are returning to the things that bring us joy and bring us life and are going to keep us going. And because it's a rhythm, it's built into our life already. Like the breathing is built into our biology. And so when I think about what rhythms do I need to bring into my life, those will often be sparked by this appointment or dissatisfaction. 


00:21:45 Hannah 

Like an example is of one I've talked about before. Is that often I'm really dissatisfied at the end of my day because I'm lying in bed having intended to go to bed an hour ago and I'm lying there, just like scrolling on my phone, which feels so good in the moment. 


00:22:01 Hannah 

And then when I look and I'm like, Oh my gosh, it's been 50 minutes. I feel extremely dissatisfied with how I've used that time. And so I talked about this in a previous episode of I was going to move where I charged my phone. I've done it, guys and my whole evening rhythm has changed. I now spend about an hour. 


00:22:21 Hannah 

Every night reading and then in the morning when I wake up early, sometimes I spend an hour in the morning when I'm. 


00:22:28 Hannah 

Still in bed reading. 


00:22:30 Hannah 

And I love it. Very satisfying. 


00:22:33 Kris 

And because of a simple change of moving a phone born out of what? 


00:22:37 Hannah 

Dissatisfaction and disappointment, yeah. 


00:22:39 Kris 

That's quite common. I think a lot of people are choosing to put their devices actually physically out of the way. 


00:22:47 Hannah 

Well, I think what's good as well about a day off is I don't have them that often, right, like. And when I'm thinking of, I'm the best Hannah on day off, it's when I have a day off and I'm the only one in my house. So that happens like if I'm lucky, that happens once a month. 


00:23:00 Hannah 

And it is a rhythm now, because I will always have it once a. 


00:23:03 Hannah 

Month. Hopefully no one else is home on that day because I work one Saturday a month, so I know I've always got that coming up. That helps me when I'm feeling like, Oh my gosh, my work is like so overwhelming. I'm like that next Friday I'm gonna hit the day off or whatever it is and or next Friday I'm going to get to go for that. 


00:23:20 Hannah 

Really giant long walk outside because I've got the day off because I have to work on Saturday and so that helps me when I'm in the thick of it, but then it also helps me when I'm experiencing it on the actual day off because I'm getting all those things that I need which is like space. 


00:23:36 Hannah 

Quiet recharging time, but yeah, I don't think everyone is like that. But for me like to be peaceful, I have to be like experiencing peace in slowness and quiet. And if I don't intentionally go after those, they won't be evident in my life. 


00:23:52 Kris 

I think you'll struggle to find someone who disagrees with you that having a day off of work is a. 


00:23:57 Kris 

Bad thing. 


00:23:58 Kris 

But do you think that we need moments of stress and discomfort? Then, if you can grow and be a better version of your? 


00:24:06 Kris 

Self in quiet and peaceful moments, how would you deal with stressful moments if you've got no in a sense? 


00:24:13 Hannah 

Training for it? Well, this is where I mean, this is what I'm gonna talk about. Hopefully in the next episode is that is when I do need my rhythms to like kick out because that's gonna steady me because I don't have this inner strength that, like enables. 


00:24:26 Hannah 

Me to be the best Hannah in the moment, so I need something that's going to steady me because the rhythm holds me when I can't hold myself, the rhythm steadies me. When I feel shaken. 


00:24:38 Kris 

And I guess a lot of people myself, like I'm sound like a hardened boxer or something. Who knows exactly what he's doing, but I don't know what I'm doing. 


00:24:47 Kris 

I think a lot of people might be like me, where I'm trying to figure out everything a day at a time. Almost. 


00:24:54 Kris 

And so I I do, I do all write under stress and under pressure. But there are times when I just have no clue what I'm doing and it's like there's no manual for some things in life. 


00:25:05 Kris 

Right. I just wonder. 


00:25:07 Kris 

Within those times, that's where that the rhythm kicks in. That's probably what you're saying, right? Is that you might not have the answer to your specific problem or specific stressful situation. 


00:25:18 Kris 

But if you've got something to be a balm for your like wound, something that can, like help you through it, at least. 


00:25:27 Kris 

It's there for you. 


00:25:28 Hannah 

And potentially even like reminds you who you are or just gives you that moment of peace. Like I think we've talked before about like, if you have a stressful meeting, maybe it's a regular meeting that you find really difficult being able to, like, have a rhythm around of like, I always go for a walk and get a coffee afterward. 


00:25:44 Hannah