Episode 13: A Cure for Chaos


How do you deal when your life gets shaken up? When chaos enters the room? Feel like you need a strategy to help you recover from these little and big moments? Us too! Rhythms could be answer you’re looking for! Join Hannah and Kris as they discuss the how and why, and also theorise about whether rhythms could be not only the prescription for recovering from getting knocked, but a preventative too!

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This transcript was generated automatically and may not be 100 percent accurate.

Episode transcript:

00:00:00 Hannah 

Welcome to The Rhythms podcast. My name is Hannah. 

00:00:03 Kris 

And my name's. 

00:00:04 Kris 

Kris, this is a podcast about exploring the rhythms, patterns and habits that bring joy and add richness to our everyday lives. 

00:00:12 Hannah 

From daily habits to embracing the changing seasons, it's not about mindless routines, but patterns with purpose. It's about making something special out of something. 

00:00:24 Kris 

If you're someone who wants to move beyond just being more efficient or productive and instead find ways to infuse your days with small, familiar moments that matter, then you've found two new friends with the same goal. 

00:00:37 Hannah 

Every episode listen in as we share a reflection on the role of rhythms in our. 

00:00:42 Hannah 

Lives join our conversation as we unpack this idea further and then spend a moment with us considering how that rhythm could shape or add richness to our lives today. 

00:00:56 Hannah 

This is episode 13. A cure for chaos. 

00:01:03 Hannah 

What happens when the rug is pulled out from under you?

00:01:08 Hannah 

Causing you to lose your. 

00:01:09 Hannah 

Balance your footing to stumble. For me at least. 

00:01:15 Hannah 

Happens in little ways all the. 

00:01:17 Hannah 

Time the plans change. Something fails or breaks. I realized I forgot something important, or for me, the big one. That person, that steady, sure friend or family member. 

00:01:29 Hannah 

Responds to me in an unexpected way. 

00:01:32 Hannah 

But that I may not be anticipated. Calm and supportive interaction. I'm used to or worst case scenario I have an argument with said person. Look I have been blessed with a brilliant farner. They're not just my family, they're my friends. 

00:01:49 Hannah 

I mentioned before on this podcast that I actually live with. 

00:01:53 Hannah 

My parents, two sisters, two brothers in Law, 4 nieces and nephews, 3 dogs, 4 sheep, 5 alpaca, a bunch of chickens, and I all reside on the same lifestyle property as someone whose love language is acts of service. They all love me so well and I rely on them all for different things. 

00:02:13 Hannah 

But a couple of them in particular I rely on for gentle, considered and kind approaches. 

00:02:21 Hannah 

So and that's not my experience with them. Queue the rug tug, I am unset. 

00:02:30 Hannah 

This happened recently. I was just about to head off to work when a family. 

00:02:34 Hannah 

Member and I. 

00:02:34 Hannah 

Had an unsettling encounter. I suspect they were troubled about something, of which I was unaware, so they weren't. The steady, peaceful presents I expected and it threw me. 

00:02:48 Hannah 

This little thing actually threw me into a little spit. I did my best to respond with patience, maybe leaning a little too much into a giving them space response, and quickly exited the house. 

00:03:03 Hannah 

I was feeling a bit grumpy, to be honest, not how you want to feel when you head. 

00:03:07 Hannah 

Off to work in the. 

00:03:07 Speaker 3 

Morning, but guys. 

00:03:10 Hannah 

This was not planned or anticipated, but. 

00:03:13 Speaker 3 

My morning weather. 

00:03:14 Hannah 

Saved me that day, a bit perturbed. 

00:03:17 Hannah 

I left the house. 

00:03:19 Hannah 

Hopped in my car and fell into my usual rhythm. 

00:03:23 Hannah 

Driving to work the lovely way, listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast guaranteed to make me laugh out. 

00:03:30 Hannah 

Loud nod my. 

00:03:31 Hannah 

Head, feel sane and catch some inspiration. 

00:03:35 Hannah 

And no joke, by the time I got to work 20 minutes later, I was calm, ready, and motivated for the day. 

00:03:45 Hannah 

When the thing or relationship I relied. 

00:03:48 Hannah 

On that helps. 

00:03:49 Hannah 

Hold me in some way. Fell over my rhythm, held me. It carried me. My rhythm was the deep breaths, the box breathing, if you will, that I needed to ground me. 

00:04:06 Hannah 

We know from research into the brain that when we experience chaos, even simple everyday chaos like the side of your kitchen after your kids have been baking in it as a threat. 

00:04:16 Hannah 

Our brains interpret that chaos. 

00:04:21 Hannah 

In the midst of chaos, we yearn for the safety of predictability, of order. 

00:04:28 Hannah 

Of the familiar. 

00:04:31 Hannah 

Enter rhythms and routines. They are the definition of predictability and order. Rhythms and routines bring a sense of calm and peace because they give us something specific to do because they feel familiar, uniquely meeting our needs, and because they give us a degree of control. 

00:04:50 Hannah 

And there are so much in life. Am I right beyond our control? 

00:04:56 Hannah 

But rhythms go even further than a. 

00:04:59 Hannah 

A rhythm helps us get things done, but it also helps us enjoy doing it. 

00:05:05 Hannah 

They're not just about what you do, but how you do it. 

00:05:09 Hannah 

Our rhythms of life are our values and priorities in practice, which brings me to a theory I've been developing since that morning. 

00:05:21 Hannah 

I'm pretty confident that rhythms are a great prescription for us when we get knocked, when that rug is pulled out from under us, when we experience chaos. But I'm wondering if they can be the preventative too. 

00:05:36 Hannah 

If you know me in real life, you probably know I've unfortunately had a few back injuries in. 

00:05:41 Hannah 

The last few years. 

00:05:44 Hannah 

If you know me well in real life, you probably know that. Then I do hurt my back again. 

00:05:49 Hannah 

It takes me a long time, too long to get myself along to see my physio. I honestly can't tell you why it makes no sense because I feel the effects and it helps me heal every time. 

00:05:58 Hannah

Because if you know me very well in my real life, you have heard me vow time and. 

00:06:08 Hannah 

Time again that. 

00:06:09 Hannah 

This time that I'm signed off by the physio, I will continue doing the exercises and Pilates every day. 

00:06:17 Hannah 

You also know that so far I've not been successful in maintaining this commit. 

00:06:24 Hannah 

My physio encourages and instructs me in the exercises I need to strengthen my core because she knows that when my core is strong I'm less likely to injure my back when it comes under stress or strain and these exercises also teach me to engage my core. 

00:06:43 Hannah 

Making me strong and steady in those moments when I need it in the moment when I have a strong. 

00:06:50 Speaker 3 

Or I am more resilient? 

00:06:54 Hannah 

When we craft a rhythm, considering what we need to do, where we need to go, and how we'll get there, our values and priorities and form the shape, the rhythm takes and the rhythm becomes those values and priorities and practice. 

00:07:11 Hannah 

For example, I value and want to prioritize contemplation and reflection, which is why presence and slowness informs so much of my morning and evening rhythms. 

00:07:25 Hannah 

I want to prioritize movement and physical activity, so walking features and a lot of my rhythms when. 

00:07:34 Hannah 

We are becoming people consciously shaped by and practicing our values. I think that's a factor, one of a few that helps us to develop. 

00:07:44 Hannah 

Strength is strength that keeps us steady, a resiliency that can hold us when we get shaken so we don't fall and so we can bounce back quickly. 

00:07:59 Hannah 

Like I said, it's just a thought a theory while I experiment and try to figure out if there's some merit to this idea, I invite you to join me. I at least know I'll be experiencing moments of familiar loveliness in the days and weeks ahead. My morning coffees. Evening journaling. 

00:08:18 Hannah 

Holiday traditions and in the midst of crazy days, knowing something lovely is always coming helps. 

00:08:32 Kris 

I want to ask you a question and I apologize if this triggers anyone out there listening, but Hannah, have you had a moment or an argument that doesn't matter if it was like a week ago or a month ago? 

00:08:47 Kris 

Or a year ago. 

00:08:49 Kris 

You still get second hand cringe from it. 

00:08:53 Kris 

Like being in a room with someone or two people or three people who are arguing and you're kind of in the middle of it. 

00:09:00 Hannah 

OK, so because the real real is that I was involved. 


In an argument. 

00:09:07 Hannah 

Many years ago, which was never fully resolved and I probably need to go to therapy cause I feel still awful about it. 

00:09:14 Kris 

Was about hollow Easter eggs. 

00:09:16 Hannah 

It wasn't about hollow. 

00:09:23 Hannah 

Yes, and fortunately I don't encounter triggers of this argument too often. But yeah, no, I definitely all the time like something might come up and a little argument that I've had with one of my sisters and we kind of joke about it. But then it's like, but are we joking about it? 

00:09:41 Kris 

It's like it's like the little grain of like. 

00:09:44 Kris 

So are we cool? Are. 

00:09:45 Hannah 

We cool? Yeah. You just like walking the fine line between, like, getting back into the argument and joking about it, and you hope to stay on one side and not crossover. 

00:09:54 Kris 

Do you know the French I? 

00:09:55 Kris 

Don't know the word. Don't ask me to say it. Maybe your sister can, but. 

00:09:58 Kris 

But they have a word for the word that you could have used in an argument, but that you think of later. The perfect like witty retort. 


That's awesome. 

00:10:10 Kris 

Isn't that cool? 

00:10:12 Hannah 

I usually like when I'm debriefing the argument with someone later, that person, kind of like hears. 

00:10:18 Hannah 

All of that like. 

00:10:20 Hannah 

Argument that I didn't get to say in. 

00:10:22 Hannah 

The actual. 

00:10:22 Kris 

Yeah, like the post the post match, like Deep Brief. Here's how it could have gone in the second-half, you know. 

00:10:28 Kris 

We win this way, but. 

00:10:29 Hannah 

Differently and like those are so important because even if you didn't win, you feel like you won. When you get to be in that little person. Nationalist, yeah. 

00:10:37 Kris 

You mind? Sometimes I like replay like exchanges in my head. Generally when I'm in the shower like Ohh could have. 

00:10:44 Kris 

Taken that dialogue path there, yes. 

00:10:48 Kris 

So we're not actually talking about arguing, but when we're kind of out of our comfort zone when something knocks us something like sort of shakes out every day. And your example was an argument which was sounded like it's a little bit. 

00:11:04 Hannah 

Out of left field. Yeah, I wouldn't even. 

00:11:06 Hannah 

Say it was like especially. 

00:11:08 Hannah 

And argue. 

00:11:09 Hannah 

But it could have become one because the way this interaction went, I kind of did go on the defense like, Oh my gosh, why you coming at me? The person probably didn't even feel like they were coming at me. And then fortunately, I had a quick, easy out and thinking about it. Now I wish I'd been able to care for this family member. 

00:11:27 Hannah 

A little bit more. 

00:11:28 Hannah 

But I kind of just went into like protective mode. But yeah, the reason like I kept thinking about it was because I'm just not used to that from this particular person in my life. Like they're just always like, pretty chill calm like we kind. 

00:11:42 Hannah 

Of like have. 

00:11:42 Hannah 

A good flow in me in this. 

00:11:44 Hannah 

Person there's other people in the family who I'm used to like getting with on the regular, but not this person. 

00:11:50 Kris 

It's a bit of a like achievement for you guys, cause there's a lot of you and that's like a lot of personalities under the same roofs, roofs. 

00:12:00 Hannah 

Yes. What I didn't say is like, yes, we're all very good at like looking after one another and being able to to depend on each other, but also yes, exactly that. And I'm sure you've been witness to that countless times. 

00:12:12 Hannah 

Chris, that also we clash a lot like any family, but like a lot and we can't really escape because we all live around each other and have to work on our property together Saturday morning, like chores. I don't know why my family will be like giggling and also, like awkward that I'm saying this on the podcast. 

00:12:16 Kris 

Hmm. Yes. 

00:12:33 Hannah 

Like Saturday morning choir meetings, normally teens like probably three times out of five quite teens. 

00:12:43 Hannah 

This stayed with me because it was like ohh this is not normal and I really depend on this person to like keep me calm and they're not calm and so that's throwing me off. And so I was like right, I'm out, I'm out. And then honestly, I'm not just making this up so that it sounds good for our podcast. 

00:13:02 Hannah 

Like I just did what I normally do when. 

00:13:04 Hannah 

I'm driving to work. 

00:13:06 Hannah 

I went maybe slightly earlier because of what happened and I was like, really good. When I got to work and which I shouldn't, I should have still been in that post match analysis, thinking it over, trying to win the argument in my head. But I wasn't because I've had this steady rhythm that just is designed to, like, help me feel good when I get to work and also be motivated. 

00:13:26 Hannah 

With this particular podcast, it helps me do that. 

00:13:29 Hannah 

And I was still there because of the rhythm. 

00:13:32 Kris 

That's good. 

00:13:32 Kris 

And I need to apologize because I keep putting him to your kind of idea for the next reflection on the last episode we talked about kind of being in under pressure and uncomfortable, and we're trying to, like, kind of stay out of your territory, but really is a sense of you would like, really quite push. 

00:13:49 Kris 

And very quickly and very like suddenly out of a normal rhythm with this person who's generally, well, almost always like a very predictable rhythm. 

00:14:00 Hannah 

Yes, and even like thinking about our last episode, I probably felt quite disappointed. You know, there was some like disappointment that came that. Ohh. 

00:14:09 Hannah 

How like? 

00:14:09 Hannah 

Normal way of being together in a relationship. 

00:14:13 Hannah 

Is different and like that was disappointing that I felt a bit sad about that as well as a bit grumpy and annoyed that I have been on the receiving end. Yeah, I think that that's why it stayed with me and why it was significant which. Yeah, and that's fine for it to be significant, you know, like a lot of people be able to just brush that off for me, I couldn't, but thankfully. 

00:14:32 Hannah 

I had something that helped me and helped me recover from it. 

00:14:36 Kris 

Everyone has the tools to deal with something like that because that had that had the potential to probably set you up really badly for the rest of the. 

00:14:44 Kris 

Day, right? You just you come back to it every like so often. Like, why did that? 

00:14:50 Hannah 

Happen just being slightly off because of that happening could have affected all of my interactions with my colleagues, right? Like, you know, when you're just a little bit grumpy, a little bit annoyed and I sometimes some of my colleagues listen to this. They know sometimes I get like a little bit like. 

00:15:05 Hannah 

Stress stack work and normally I like contain it all very well, but my boss Cheryl should be the sentence. 

00:15:11 Hannah 

And I think she knows what I'm feeling. A little bit stressed. I'm just like, yeah, a little tiny bit shorter than I normally am with people. Yeah. And I could have been like that that day easily, you know. 

00:15:24 Hannah 

Mike, that would be very understandable. You know, if that's you, if you've had a day like that, it's very understandable. We're with you. We. 

00:15:30 Kris 

Get it? Yeah. Shout out to all the bosses, too, are listening to the episode. I think my my boss listens as. 

00:15:37 Hannah 

Well, yeah, we have such good bosses. 

00:15:38 Kris 

So boss if. 

00:15:39 Kris 

You're listening. My stress indicator is general withdrawal from life. You won't see or hear me. I'll be gone. 

00:15:47 Hannah 

Just you must. 

00:15:50 Kris 

But yeah, not everyone has those tools, right? And so you can, especially when if you're working full time. 

00:15:56 Kris 

The the problem with those interactions, regardless of how small or how or big they are, is that they have the potential to just roll around and like compound and and even something small over time can become inflated into something bigger than it actually should have been or that it actually. 

00:16:14 Hannah 

Was and it was like. 

00:16:16 Hannah 

Not on that same drive to work, but another morning drive to work. At some point I asked. Sorry to make a note in my phone about resiliency, cause this idea came to. 

00:16:26 Hannah 

Me of like. 

00:16:27 Hannah 

Maybe rhythms help us to develop some resiliency so that we can recover. 

00:16:33 Hannah 

And this was actually several months ago that I made that note, and I've kind of been like thinking on that idea a lot since and and talking it out with my family recently. I think what it is is this idea that because I rhythms are what's important to us in practice, that helps to strengthen us, which builds resiliency. 

00:16:54 Hannah 

That that's the theory and and genuinely it is a theory. Like I'm dying to hear what other people think as they listen to. 

00:17:00 Hannah 

This whether they can see that that's true in their eyes. I did talk about it actually with my mum. So she has like quite a busy and intense job. I hope she's OK with me saying this. I used to work like for the company. She's a big boss. 

00:17:13 Hannah 

And and I. 

00:17:14 Hannah 

Would call her the bulldog, like she's kind of like people, really. 

00:17:18 Hannah 

Respect her and she's. 

00:17:19 Kris 

Like in a Winston Churchills way. 

00:17:22 Hannah 

I don't know. I'm so I'm embarrassed and I don't know enough about Winston. 

00:17:25 Hannah 

Churchill, but yes, she's very respected and. 

00:17:29 Hannah 

She gets the job done and like she's the one who might get called into like a disciplinary or something, you know? Is that like Winston Churchill? I don't know. Ohh. 

00:17:38 Kris 

Yeah, they called him the bulldog. 

00:17:40 Hannah 


00:17:40 Kris 

But maybe because he kind of. 

00:17:41 Kris 

Looked like a bulldog. 

00:17:43 Hannah 

I betray doesn't look like a bulldog, but yeah. So she has, like quite an intense job and she travels quite a lot. Like, even just at the moment she's away. 

00:17:53 Hannah 

For work and so. 

00:17:55 Hannah 

She has this rhythm in her work where she works, all going to plan Fridays from home. 

00:18:02 Hannah 

And so I was talking to her about this idea of, like, maybe our rhythms you. 

00:18:05 Hannah 

Know help us to. 

00:18:07 Hannah 

Be resilient and strong, just like my Pilates helping my core to be strong, so I don't get injured in times of stress and strain. And she said, yeah, I think that this rhythm that I have of working from home on a Friday is really, really important. 

00:18:22 Hannah 

Because things can feel really intense and hard and chaotic at work, and the knowledge that Friday is coming and I'll be working at home really helps in those. 

00:18:34 Hannah 

And the actual working at home on Friday is important because she gets different sort of work done that she wasn't able to do when she was travelling around and being rightfully interrupted by people she's surrounded like by a lovely environment. So it's kind of like twofold. Like the knowledge that that's coming helps her in the chaos. 

00:18:54 Hannah 

And the different way of being on a Friday, the different way of working on a Friday is also really important. So she felt. 

00:19:01 Hannah 

Like she could see this idea had merit. I don't know what? 

00:19:06 Kris 

Did you think we talked about building resilience last episode, but in under the context of being under pressure or being disappointed and therefore being uncomfortable with your reality? But I think resilience is built in. 

00:19:22 Kris 

Lots of different ways and possibly this is a way cause your mum is really high capacity. 

00:19:29 Kris 

So perhaps she's already got that internal resilience and that this day of, like, reset or rest or like a pause and the beat kind of thing. 

00:19:41 Kris 

Helps her maintain that resilience because she's like later on in life like I think people who have more experience or have been around the block a few times have more resilience. And like, I use the word, I love the word grit. 

00:19:58 Hannah 

But see how many times you. 

00:19:59 Hannah 

Can use it in this. 

00:20:01 Kris 

Yeah, they have grits, you know. And it's really interesting to see her play with them in her context of being able to look forward to a Friday. I like that idea. I would love to do that myself, actually. 

00:20:13 Kris 

Something, actually I, Vanessa, when I do that or we did used to do that. We would always book a holiday because it gave us something to look forward to. It was. 

00:20:23 Kris 

Like a milestone? 

00:20:25 Kris 

And maybe that's that's it. Maybe it's a short term milestone for your mum is like, OK, this is a tough week. Maybe I've got to do a disciplinary or I've got to fix a financial issue. Whatever. 

00:20:37 Kris 

But on Friday, there's a little bit of respite. There's a little bit of sunlight I can sit in my lounge or my office or wherever and be in my own environment and enjoy that. So it's the same for Vanessa and I with holidays. It may be every year, but we know that every year we've got something to look forward to and we can build towards that. 

00:20:57 Kris 

And that that's that's its own kind of resilience. 

00:21:00 Kris 

I think because it's gonna be times when you're just over it, but you've got that like that rhythm to return to of. But just wait till we're on the beach. Yeah, blah blah. 

00:21:10 Hannah 

Blah, that's got me thinking about like we most of us experience that like across a week that you have some days off. 

00:21:17 Hannah 

And some days of rest at some point, and sometimes it's. 

00:21:20 Hannah 

Like, OK, it's Thursday, which is basically Friday. 

00:21:24 Hannah 

You know you're trying to convince yourself of this. 

00:21:26 Hannah 

Yeah. So we're. 

00:21:27 Hannah 

Almost at the weekend or whatever days you have. 

00:21:29 Kris 

Off, sorry, you're listening to this on a Monday. If you're listening to this on the Monday. 

00:21:34 Kris 

But that's alright. 

00:21:35 Kris 

You've only got 4 3/4 a day. 

00:21:40 Hannah 

Yeah, that's not. 

00:21:41 Hannah 

Yeah, I like this idea that if we have rhythms that remind us who we are and what's important to us, and we genuinely enjoy them, they help us achieve some a task potentially say they're about enjoying something. I'm kind of like calling here back to our beauty episode as well, I think. 

00:21:42 Kris 

That's not many. 

00:22:00 Hannah 

That those are like, you know when. 

00:22:01 Hannah 

You're moving boxes or lifting something with and you're meant to engage your core. That's what. 

00:22:06 Hannah 

I didn't do very well and injured my. 

00:22:08 Hannah 

Back four years. 

00:22:09 Hannah 

Ago, I think that rhythms can be that kind of like engaging out inner strength moment if we need it. So if I'm in a really, really chaotic moment. 

00:22:20 Hannah 

Having a rhythm that can just hold me and remind me of who I am and what's important. That helps me be strong and steady in the moment while I need it. And so it could be that even in like a really crazy busy week for that event that comes once. 

00:22:35 Hannah 

A month or whatever. 

00:22:36 Hannah 

I still always have dinner with my family because that's important and that grounds me or whatever it is. You know, we will have. 

00:22:42 Hannah 

Our own things. 

00:22:43 Hannah 

That are our values and priorities and practice. Those are our rhythms and I think that, yeah, that's sort of the equivalent of engaging our core when lifting something heavy. 

00:22:54 Kris 

Withams as well, you use the word values various compass headings towards establishing what we believe and what we value and who we are as. 

00:23:05 Kris 

People, whether we are consciously establishing or talking about rhythms like we are, we're doing now on the podcast or if they're, if they're things that we just do in normal life without thinking about them, what we invest in and what we give time to and what we give attention to is what we value. 

00:23:23 Hannah 

Yes, yes. 

00:23:24 Kris 

And when we're talking about purposeful patterns, again, whether they're actually when they, whether they're on purpose or not on purpose, they're still important because they